Conflict Resolution requires that the executive become introspective. Techniques can be learned and practiced that will enable anyone to confront anybody even when the conversation is difficult. Know when and how to let go of your "story" and how to provide a safe environment for all parties to engage in a productive exchange.
Target: Any Executive with reports that they find difficult with whom to communicate. Any physician in a partnership that wants to communicate effectively with another partner.
Purpose: Any body should be able to have the difficult conversation with anybody else regardless of hierarchy, status, or age. Expectation: You should be able to confront anybody, regardless of your relative positions, about anything. Knowing when that is appropriate and how to do it are the goals you should come away with from these coaching sessions.
Results: Sometimes executives have to deal with the fragile egos of some team members. These team members may be subject matter experts that bring a lot of valuable knowledge to the table and are treated as prima donnas. The executive has to be able to communicate the stress they are causing to the rest of the team.
Though difficult to consider, the “Conflict Resolution” trained individual will enter the conversation prepared and confident in their position. If not done properly, the antagonist may feel attacked and respond with anger, fear, and impulsively. The executive should know how to avoid that but if it does occur, the executive will be prepared to deal with the turn of events.
The same holds true for the physician dealing with a recalcitrant partner. Frequently, partners practice what is known as disingenuous harmony – they pretend to get-along but harbor some deep resentment. The “Conflict Resolution” trained physician will know what her motive is before entering the conversation; she will know how to make it safe for her partner, then ask permission to express what she has observed and how the behavior has impacted her without ever saying the words, “It made me feel” because if you do, you will have given them the power to affect you emotionally. Then with empathy she can suggest a connection with her partner by using a phrase like, “I’m wondering if . . .” E.g., a “Conflict Resolution”-competent executive confronting a surgeon: “I understand that you responded to the nurses on the floor last night with a lot of screaming and abusive language telling them not to bother you with trivial calls. When I was told this again this morning, I was irritated. I recalled that this is happening much too frequently with you. I’m wondering whether the way you communicate with the nurses is why they suggest that you don’t care what happens to your patients.”
Though the surgeon will try to side-track about the triviality of the phone call, the executive will keep it on the message: the nurses are concerned about the care of the patient and the physician should communicate with respect. If need be, the physician can set the boundaries for when he wants to be contacted. Always end with an agreement for action.
These conversations, though difficult, may strengthen the bond between the two individuals. The confronting person is modeling candor, honesty, and courage; all admirable qualities the antagonist cannot help but admire.
Download a mind-map mnemonic to help you prepare for your Crucial Conversation on the Resources page.